Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
