You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
