my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
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