It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Randomize
