Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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