Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
