Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Randomize
