I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
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