If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
Randomize
