420 ftw
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Randomize
