Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Randomize
