Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
