Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Randomize
