Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
