I must be too annoying 4 u.
im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
Randomize
