She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Randomize
