He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
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