put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
