You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
