Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
Randomize
