Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
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