while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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