Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Randomize
