I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
this is an emotional support booty call
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
