mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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