a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Randomize
