there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
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