Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
