i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Randomize
