You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
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