matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
