Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
Liz is crying about burritos again.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Randomize
