seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
