I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
Found the puke drawer
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
Randomize
