you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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