i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Randomize
