life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
