I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
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