can we get nightvision for the apartment?
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Randomize
