i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
