Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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