you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
