My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Randomize
