He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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