I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
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