i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
