i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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