My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
