I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
