The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
