No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Randomize
