the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
