Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
Randomize
