just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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