just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Randomize
