she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
